Holy Matrimony

 

To My Readers: This week's post, by John Gregory, reminds us of what a gift God has given us in the sacrament of Holy Matrimony, and the most serious duties and responsibilities a married couple have to each other and to God. This post is indispensable reading  for those who feel called to the married state. It also serves as a beautiful and solemn reminder of what God expects for those of us who are married.

Feel free to comment as usual. If you have  a specific comment or question for me, I will respond as always, but it may take me a bit longer to do so this week.

God bless you all, my dear readers---Introibo

Holy Matrimony

By John Gregory

Dogmatic Subject: The Sacrament of Matrimony.—There was a marriage in Cana of Galilee (St. John 2: 1). 

Moral Subject: The Duties of Married People.—Let love be without dissimulation, hating that which is evil, cleaving to that which is good. . . . Being of one mind one toward another (Romans 12: 9, 16).—There was a marriage in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there.  And Jesus also was invited, and his disciples, to the marriage (St. John 2: 1, 2) 

Marriage is a sacrament in which the couple gives their entire selves to the other and both accept that offering.  Our Lady and Saint Joseph did this perfectly.  Saint Joseph was not “just” the foster father of Jesus.  Jesus was conceived and born into that sacred bond without the instrumentality of another man.  The Holy Family is reflective of the Holy Trinity.  Our Lord entered that family, partly at least, due to the love his parents had for God and for each other.  This is a love unmatched by all creation.  Love begets love and the fruitfulness of this love was God Himself.  The eternal love God the Father has for God the Son, and God the Son has for God the Father, is the Holy Ghost which proceeds from them both.   

These three, father, mother, and child, are rightly spoken of as a human trinity; the child is a human holy spirit, the living love of those from whom it proceeds.  A realization of this makes plain the danger involved in planning a temporary exclusion of the birth of children at the very beginning of marriage, even though this be done by legitimate means; it is like keeping an infant from talking because we enjoy its gurgling.  (A Companion to the Summa, Volume IV, The Way of Life, Corresponding to the Summa Theologiae IIIA, by Walter Farrell, O.P., S.T.D., S.T.M., 1942) 

And now to the bastion of all Orthodoxy, the Catechism of Trent: 

Marriage Considered as a Sacrament 

It will now be necessary to explain that Matrimony is far superior in its sacramental aspect and aims at an incomparably higher end.  For as marriage, as a natural union, was instituted from the beginning to propagate the human race; so was the sacramental dignity subsequently conferred upon it in order that a people might be begotten and brought up for the service and worship of the true God and of Christ our Savior. 

Thus when Christ our Lord wished to give a sign of the intimate union that exists between Him and His Church and of His immense love for us, He chose especially the sacred union of man and wife.  That this sign was a most appropriate one will readily appear from the fact that of all human relations there is none that binds so closely as the marriage-tie, and from the fact that husband and wife are bound to one another by the bonds of the greatest affection and love.  Hence it is that Holy Writ so frequently represents to us the divine union of Christ and the Church under the figure of marriage. 

MARRIAGE IS A SACRAMENT 

That Matrimony is a Sacrament the Church, following the authority of the Apostle, has always held to be certain and incontestable.  In his Epistle to the Ephesians he writes: Men should love their wives as their own bodies.  He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourisheth it and cherisheth it, as also Christ doth the church; for ware are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall adhere to his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh.  This is a great sacrament; but I speak in Christ and in the church. (Ephesians 5: 28, 32) Now his expression, this is a great sacrament, undoubtedly refers to Matrimony, and must be taken to mean that the union of man and wife, which has God for its Author, is a Sacrament, that is, a sacred sign of that most holy union that binds Christ our Lord to His Church. 

That this is the true and proper meaning of the Apostle’s words is shown by the ancient holy Fathers who have interpreted them, and by the explanation furnished by the Council of Trent.  It is indubitable, therefore, that the Apostle compares the husband to Christ, and the wife to the Church; that the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church (Ephesians 5: 23); and that for this very reason the husband should love his wife and the wife love and respect her husband.  For Christ loved His Church, and gave Himself for Her (Ephesians 5: 25); while as the same Apostle teaches, the Church is subject to Christ (Ephesians 5: 24).  

That grace is also signified and conferred by this Sacrament, which are two properties that constitute the principal characteristics of each Sacrament, is declared by the Council as follows: By his passion Christ, the Author and Perfecter of the venerable Sacraments, merited for us the grace that perfects the natural love (of husband and wife), confirms their indissoluble union, and sanctifies them.  It should, therefore, be shown that by the grace of this Sacrament husband and wife are joined in the bonds of mutual love, cherish affection one towards the other, avoid illicit attachments and passions, and so keep their marriage honorable in all things, . . . and their bed undefiled (Hebrews 13: 4). 

One of the things absolutely necessary for marriage to be successful is for the husband to rule justly and lovingly and for the wife to be cheerfully submissive.  A head-strong woman or selfish man can be good for some things perhaps, but not marriage.  Disobedience is at the root of so many avoidable problems.  It turns a solid foundation into a mushy quagmire, destabilizing the children and ultimately wrecking society.  True love wants, and will do, what is best for the other.  It is true that one should not get married when lacking the maturity to enter into such a sacrament in a godly and fruitful way, but as we age, we get set in our ways and are more likely to justify disobedience or a tyranny of selfishness. 

The Duties of Married People 

The more easily to preserve the holy state (of marriage) from dissensions, the duties of husband and wife as inculcated by Saint Paul and by the Prince of the Apostles must be explained. 

DUTIES OF A HUSBAND 

It is the duty of the husband to treat his wife generously and honorably.  It should not be forgotten that Eve was called by Adam his companion.  The woman, he says, whom thou gavest me as a companion.  (Genesis 3: 12)  Hence it was, according to the opinion of some of the holy Fathers, that she was formed not from the feet but from the side of man; as, on the other hand, she was not formed from his head, in order to give her to understand that it was not hers to command but to obey her husband. 

The husband should also be constantly occupied in some honest pursuit with a view to provide necessaries for the support of his family and to avoid idleness, the root of almost every vice. 

He is also to keep all his family in order, to correct their morals, and see that they faithfully discharge their duties. 

DUTIES OF A WIFE 

On the other hand, the duties of a wife are thus summed up by the Prince of the Apostles: Let wives be subject to their husbands: that if any believe not the word, they may be won without the word by the conversation of the wives, considering your chaste conversation with fear.  Let not their adorning be the outward plaiting of the hair, or the wearing of gold, or the putting on of apparel: but the hidden man of the heart in the incorruptibility of a quiet and meek spirit, which is rich in the sight of God.  For after this manner heretofore the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord.  (1 Peter 3: 1 ff.)  

To train their children in the practice of virtue and to pay particular attention to their domestic concerns should also be especial objects of their attention.  The wife should love to remain at home, unless compelled by necessity to go out; and she should never presume to leave home without her husband’s consent. 

Again, and in this the conjugal union chiefly consists, let wives never forget that next to God they are to love their husbands, to esteem them above all others, yielding to them in all things not inconsistent with Christian piety, a willing and ready obedience. 

Duties of Husband and Wife 

The husband has authority over the wife in all things that pertain to their domestic relations and family discipline: “Let women be subject to their husbands as to the Lord; because the husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the Head of the Church.  Therefore, as the Church is subject to Christ, so also let wives be to their husbands in all things” (Ephesians 5: 22 - 24). 

Husband and wife are bound to show mutual love: “Husbands love your wives as Christ also loved the Church and delivered Himself for it . . . so also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies” (Ephesians 5: 25; Titus 2: 5). They are bound to cohabitation (1 Corinthians 7: 10), to mutual maintenance—though by nature and law the husband is primarily bound to maintain the wife—to render conjugal dues when seriously asked for—even by implication—if there be no valid excuse for continence: “Defraud not one another, except perhaps by consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer: and return together again, lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency” (1 Corinthians 7: 5). 

By English law the husband must maintain his wife according to his state and condition, unless they are separated through her fault.  A wife is not obliged by law to maintain her husband except that, if she has separate estate and her husband becomes chargeable to a Poor Law Authority, she can be obliged to maintain him in an institution. 

The savings which a wife, living with her husband or temporarily apart, may make out of money supplied to her by her husband for household purposes or maintenance, belong to the husband unless there is evidence that he intended such to be her property.  Since the year 1883 the husband acquires no rights over his wife’s estate except what she gives him.  If the husband refuses or neglects to supply his wife with necessaries, the law assumes that she has his authority to pledge his credit for them, otherwise she cannot pledge her husband’s credit.  A husband can refuse to pledge his credit for unnecessary luxuries or extravagant dress. 

The husband is bound to administer his property wisely so as to be able to support his wife and children, to have care for his wife’s Christian life, to reprove her prudently and temperately. 

The wife is bound to obey and pay respect to her husband’s authority, to see to the orderliness and comfort of home life, and to exercise reasonable economy in outlay. 

Though children are primarily subject to the father, the mother has an important and irreplaceable share in their upbringing.  The mother normally settles the religious and moral outlook of her children.   She will fail in her duty, if she teaches her children to disregard their father’s reasonable commands by sympathizing with them against their father.  It is thus that she undermines all parental authority, her own included.  

Serious sin is committed by husband or wife by serious injury in word or action, by grave negligence in respect of temporal goods that are necessary for maintenance, by hatred, by putting unreasonable obstacles in the way of the observance of the Commandments of God and of the Church. 

As a matter of counsel, parents may well be exhorted to encourage their children to become acquainted with the lives of their patron Saints, the ceremonies and practices of the Church, the history of Catholic activity, the sublimity of a vocation to the priesthood or to religious life and the work of Catholic Missions.  The good Catholic parent will consecrate his house and family to the Sacred Heart, and foster a devotion which establishes concord and happiness wherever it is practiced. (Moral and Pastoral Theology, 1958) 

Conception prevention is the antithesis of marriage as its primary purpose is procreation. Contraception redefined the primary purpose of marriage according to the whims of society from being for the procreation of children, to being for pleasure without responsibility.  “Marriage”, thus understood, has become a sort of formal and “acceptable” form of loyal fornication with one individual.  Some Catholics find it “necessary” to space their children as Montini recommends in his encyclical Humanae Vitae.  This brings me to a point on which countless sermons could be preached. 

That is on what people consider “necessities” these days and why these necessities are not necessary.  Such as countless visits to the salon and saloons.  How much money is spent on the gods, alcohol and vanity, which are considered to be more important than immortal souls?  Things which are not a necessity whatsoever, such as cable and expensive vacations, brand name clothes which are thrown out in less than a year, countless shoes, expensive cars with tons of extras that you can afford not to buy.  How many frivolous meaningless things we consider to be necessities, more important than the existence of our potential children, of your own children, who could spend all eternity with God, if only you would allow them to exist?  I say to selfish souls, “If your parents were as selfish as you, perhaps they would have considered the saloons and salons to be more important than your existence.”    

A COMPANION TO THE SUMMA: 

The goods of matrimony: Relative to its act: Progeny 

It is to be noticed that children come under the head of compensation,  not of burdens.  The child is the proximate end of the marriage.  There are, of course, other ends, such as mutual love, protection against temptation, and mutual help; but this is the immediate purpose.  At this time, it is the woman who looks forward most to a child as the final expression of love, an expression to be greeted much more joyously than the first distinct words of a baby after months of inarticulate gurgling.  For the child is a perfect expression of love; here is a union that is an embodiment of the mother and father; a surrender, for here is a master of them both; a consecration, for here is one that lifts them both to heroic heights of sacrifice. 

It is as though what had been so intangibly real before was to become incarnate, incarnate love.  These three, father, mother and child, are rightly spoken of as a human trinity; the child is a human holy spirit, the living love of those from whom it proceeds.  A realization of this makes plain the danger involved in planning a temporary exclusion of the birth of children at the very beginning of marriage, even though this be done by legitimate means; it is like keeping an infant from talking because we enjoy its gurgling.  Baby talk is a precious thing, but to insist on its preservation indefinitely is an injustice to the child; so also is the insistence that our love be robbed of its mature perfection. 

Let this love remain baby love and it becomes as helpless as an abandoned infant.  Limit its expression to husband and wife, and its chance for growth, fullness is definitely cut down; its acts of love, of sacrifice, of consecration, and of surrender are automatically limited, thus cutting off the normal source of strength for love, while the couple’s love is left open to the ruthless attacks of time, of hard reality, of pettiness, and all the elements of division inseparable from human communion.  This couple has fallen badly behind in an armament race for the defense of love; there is much more possibility that their love can be bluffed from its legitimate possessions by the dictators of sense appetite.  This love, which has been kept deliberately in an infantile state, is not merely a backward child; it is a perpetual infant, dribbling and gurgling after forty years in a high chair. 

Of course love suffers from being kept perpetually in an infant’s walking machine; it is never able to take its own full, free stride.  But it suffers nothing like the damage done to it by birth prevention, by the perversion of love.  For this not only limits and cripples love, tying it in a narrow infantile sphere, it destroys love’s foundation of justice by a consecration to injustice.  It fixes the eyes of both parties on themselves, sets them against each other in a perpetual duel of self-protection; whereas love, to exist at all, must be a consecration to another.  This sort of thing is an offense to physical nature, particularly to the physical nature of woman, and it meets with a deep, irreconcilable protest, in spite of the woman herself, a protest that eventually expresses itself in physical revulsion and positive hate. 

I believe most of us see that the world is not right.  A mere surficial, uninformed, glance at it can tell us this.  The question we must ask ourselves is: Why?  This answer is quite simple: Sin.  As the years progress less and less of the population will know what it was like to grow up in the 50’s (seeing the stark difference between how most dressed and acted then as compared to today).  Their earliest memories will be of slovenly and immodestly dressed, tattooed, body pierced people with their mask covered face in the phone, while driving to the shopping mall to get the latest gadget, after getting their hair changed a different color the fourth time this month.  

But even these people may be awake to the fact that double standards are not cool.  Allowing people to burn down cities and kill the elderly, while jailing people for running their business, is not the bright and beautiful thing to do, any more than letting criminals out of jail so they may be replaced by the innocent.  Yet, in case you are not awake [awake being the opposite of being “woke”], this is what has been happening.  Endless pages can be filled with the injustices in the world, and it is getting worse and worse.  There is no line in the sand anywhere, except when it prevents us from stopping the evil, or doing the right thing. 

Why is society so messed up?”  The answer lies in the backbone of society.  The family.  A man and a woman, the only combination that can engage in the marital act, with the result from said act, not too few times, being children.  Yeah, this is news these days, but I digress.  The world is filled with people who form society.  The world or society is bad, because people are bad i.e., they do bad things frequently.  Why are people bad?  Because they grew up without either a mother or father home, and very few, if any, siblings.  They were not taught objective and intrinsic moral truths.  They were not taught the Catholic Faith.  Instead, they are/were raised by our communistic propaganda brainwashing machines, known as day care, and the public school system.  They come home to adore their god in the holy tabernacle in the center of the living room, known as the tele, with visions of perversion, violence and more propaganda dancing in their minds before it is off to bedy-by-bumpty-boo land.  

God’s way is the right way.  We must do what He wants, in the way He wants.  Just ask Adam and Eve.  How hard was it not to eat from the one tree in paradise they were told not to eat from? 

How hard is it to abstain from the marriage act unless you are married?  How hard is it when you are married to have children as God gives them to you?  These are not the questions asked by those who love God more than themselves.  We are to ask, what is God’s will, and then do it.  Doing this makes things so much better, and ultimately easier, for individuals, families and the world at large, both in this life, and after death. 

How do we know what God’s will is?  What is wrong with limiting the family if we stay married, and the mom stays at home to raise her children, and teaches them to know, love, and serve God in this life, so as to be happy with Him forever in the next?  We know God’s will; it is the natural and the divine positive law infallibly explicated to us through the Church He (God) founded on the rock of Saint Peter.  Any intellectually honest individual who studies authentic history knows that Christ founded one Church, and he knows when and where He founded it, and what Church that is.  All the proof of this fact in the world won’t suffice for those of bad will, but those of good will can read the book of Acts for some proof. 

The Church has consistently taught from Peter to Pius XII, and even Montini, back when the anti-popes were, at times, making an effort to appear Catholic — because the people hadn’t become as thoroughly de-Catholicized as we are — that the deliberate prevention of conception is a grave evil, (that means you will go to Hell if you die guilty of this sin). 

People think the Church just invented this teaching to be mean.  But why would the Church, which depends on financial support to a certain degree, willfully alienate her members and potential converts?  Why didn’t she cave in like the rest of the “Christian” churches?  Because she was divinely commissioned by God to guard, and infallibly explain, the deposit of Faith, to the entire world, until the end of time, that’s why.  She could not abandon that divine teaching, even if she wanted to, and remain the true Church, the Mystical Body of Christ. 

Why is this teaching true then?  It is hard to raise children, and it can be difficult for some to supply the basic necessities to a large number of them.  God created things pertaining to life, natural and supernatural, with certain purposes and functions.  In His graciousness he has made that which is necessary to be enjoyable.  Consider food.  It is absolutely necessary that we eat in order to survive.  Eating is enjoyable.  But what do we call the eating of food and then throwing it up to avoid gaining weight?  Bulimia, it is an eating disorder.  Notice that it is a disorder.  It is an abuse.  It is not proper.  It is not something conducive to health but rather works against it. 

Now consider the procreative marriage act.  It is absolutely necessary for the existence and preservation of the of the human species.  The procreative marriage act is enjoyable.  But what do we call a couple who engage in the marriage act while thwarting its purposes?  Mutual masturbaters.  This is not conducive to the preservation of the species.  It objectifies the human person.  It is misusing a great gift of God for your own selfish ends.  It is the taking of the sacred and making it profane.  It is mocking God and spitting in His face.  It deliberately prevents an immortal soul from coming into the world which is a very evil and selfish act.  It mocks the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony and the couple involved.  Does that make sense?  All those of good will just said yes.  Those who love themselves more than God said no.   

Before we end, might we take a glance at A TOUR OF THE SUMMA: 

MATRIMONY AS A SACRAMENT 

1. A sacrament is a sensible sign, instituted by Christ, to signify and confer grace.  Matrimony meets the requirements of this definition.  Hence, it is truly a sacrament.   

2. Matrimony is instituted for the begetting of children according to God’s providence and law.  It was established from the beginning, before the fall of man, as a holy institution of nature.  It was raised to supernatural rank by our Lord when he made it a sacrament.  

3. Like every sacrament, matrimony confers grace upon those who receive it worthily.  It also confers the special sacramental grace which helps the spouses to be faithful in the performing of all their duties.  

4. The actual use of marital action is not an integral element in the sacrament of matrimony. 

The claim is made that it is better to have two children with college degrees than several with none.  While it is true that one of the things we can take with us to heaven is knowledge, what is also true is that we must first exist before the possibility of enjoying the Beatific Vision can happen.  Depriving several of existence in order for two to grow more in knowledge is to eliminate the best (existence of immortal souls) for the sake of a good (increased knowledge and better chance of attaining material success). 

The claim is made that two well educated children contribute to the betterment of society more than several souls deprived of a full education.  The truth is that one must not do evil so that good (perceived or real) may come.  The thwarting of the existence of souls is intrinsically evil and cannot be done for any reason.  Society is composed of people whose existence is unique and unrepeatable, and whose value in the eyes of their Maker, equals that of every single drop of His Blood, which He spilled for all who come into existence, and the primary good, which is existence, contributes to the increase and betterment of God’s family which is the composite of society.  There are also secondary goods that result in the betterment of society when the existence of human life is not purposely thwarted, such as more children to support one another and their parents in old age (pensions, social security stability) and the lessening of the necessity for the importation of peoples to fulfill roles that cannot be fulfilled by those whose existence has been prevented. 

The claim is made that it is more expedient to supply two children with the best things in life than to deprive several children many of their wants.  The fact is expedience relates to the promotion of self-interest rather than the common good.  Salvation does not come from doing that which is expedient but from that which is right.  It was not expedient for Christ to die on the cross but most beneficial to those whom He saved.  It does not follow that two immortal souls existing with many material goods, which rust and moth consume, is preferable to the point of preventing other souls from existence within the family of God in the marital bond.  An “expedience” that leads to mortal sin and eternal damnation is not expedient at all. 

He knowing that the children should not be his, when he went in to his brother’s wife, spilled his seed upon the ground, lest children should be born in his brother’s name.  And therefore the Lord slew him, because he did a detestable thing.  (Genesis 38: 9 – 10).

One immortal soul is worth infinitely more than any temporal good or convenience others would obtain in this life had that soul’s existence been prevented. 

Conclusion

Let us conceive the Holy Trinity in the womb of our souls through a supernatural love of God and neighbor with a total self-giving to God in all we think, say and do, and let us unreservedly accept the will of God into the bridal chamber of our hearts by keeping the commandments and precepts of the Church so we may be birthed into the Triumphant family of God forever!