They Are No Longer Two, But One Flesh

 

A few weeks back, I wrote a post concerning the vocation of the single life, a much maligned and misunderstood state of life. (See introiboadaltaredei2.blogspot.com/2020/12/single-minded-devotion.html). I explained how the Church teaches that all are called to one of four vocations: the priesthood, the religious life (nuns, brothers, monks), the married state, and the single state. In this post, I will discuss the joys and trials of the married vocation; an institution under greater attack than at any other point in history. Of the four vocations, only Holy Matrimony and Holy Orders are Sacraments instituted by Our Lord Jesus Christ. 

Unfortunately, Matrimony is not given the respect and recognition due to a Sacrament by most individuals and by society in general. As of this writing, the United States (along with many other countries--some even strongly Catholic before Vatican II) recognize the coupling of sodomites as "marriage." They dare to sully with the name "marriage" two perverts committing acts against God and nature. On another front of attack, how many times have I heard men denigrate their wives as their "ball and chain" and women insulting their husbands as "the jerk at home." Such appellations, whether done in jest or seriously, cast aspersions upon marriage. Not least of all, we have Jorge Bergoglio allowing "communion" from his sect to be given to divorced and "remarried" adulterers.  Good marriages are the backbone of any civilization, especially those that aim to be Christian.  With this in mind, I will discuss the married vocation as it is taught by the Church.

(For the material on the sacramental and dogmatic aspects of Holy Matrimony, I have used theologian Schleck, The Sacrament of Matrimony, [1963] and theologian Riley, Sanctity and Success in Marriage, [1956]. For the practical aspects of marriage, I have used the personal correspondence between myself and Fr. Gommar A. DePauw, JCD (my spiritual father); a pre-Vatican II approved canonist who counseled me when I started thinking about the possibility of marriage at some point in my future. At the time, he also had 60 years of counseling couples in preparation for the Sacrament of  Holy Matrimony, and in helping them with the difficulties they faced. I also reference the notes of a great Traditionalist priest (ordained pre-Vatican II), with whom I happened to meet and speak with around that same time. Both have since gone to Judgement. If you get anything worthwhile from this post, please say a prayer for the repose of the souls of these two magnificent priests.---Introibo). 

Matrimony: Natural and Sacramental

1. Matrimony was ordained by God for the perpetuation of the Human Race since Creation.

Sacred Scripture tells us that marriage came to us as a design of the Creator. The account in the Book of Genesis explicitly teaches that the union of man and woman in marriage was instituted by God. In the account, the rib is mentioned in order to show the identity of nature in Adam and Eve and to give point to the doctrine on marriage. It seems to have been the mind of the sacred writer to explain the religious mystery and origin and distinction of the sexes within the same human nature, with a view to their reunion in marriage, and this as the design of God Himself. It also shows that the man is called to be the head of the family unit, and the woman its heart. 

The Catechism of the Council of Trent cites to this event in Genesis as proof that marriage was Divinely instituted:

The faithful, therefore, are to be taught in the first place that marriage was instituted by God. We read in Genesis that God created them male and female, and blessed them, saying: "Increase and multiply"; and also: "It is not good for man to be alone: let us make him a help like unto himself.,' And a little further on: But for Adam there was not found a helper like himself. Then the Lord God cast a deep sleep upon Adam; and when he was fast asleep, he took one of his ribs, and filled up flesh for it. And the Lord God built a rib which he took from Adam. into a woman, and brought her to Adam; and Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man: wherefore a man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall be two in one flesh," These words, according to the authority of our Lord Himself, as we read in St. Matthew, prove the divine institution of Matrimony.

2. Matrimony was raised to the status of a Sacrament by Our Lord Jesus Christ. 

The Council of Trent infallibly decreed:

CANON I-- If anyone says that matrimony is not truly and properly one of the seven sacraments of the evangelical law, instituted by Christ the Lord, but has been devised by men in the Church and does not confer grace, let him be anathema.

The main argument for the sacramentality of Christian marriage is derived by the Council of Trent from the teaching of the early writers of the Church, from the early Councils, and from the universal belief and practice of the Church. Sacred Tradition, we know, contains many doctrines revealed by Christ and taught by the Apostles which were not committed in writing to the pages of the New Testament. It is impossible to state precisely when our Blessed Lord made marriage a Sacrament. Some theologians teach that He did so on the occasion of the marriage feast at Cana. Other theologians are of the opinion that marriage was raised to sacramental dignity when Christ promulgated the indissolubility of marriage. Yet still other theologians teach that marriage was made a Sacrament by our Divine Lord during the period of the forty days between His Resurrection and Ascension when, as the Acts of the Apostles says, He frequently spoke to His disciples "of the kingdom of God."

4. Marriage is a state that is good, holy, and praiseworthy.

In his encyclical Arcanum Divinae, Pope Leo XIII taught:

Marriage has God for its Author, and was from the very beginning a kind of foreshadowing of the Incarnation of His Son; and therefore there abides in it a something holy and religious; not extraneous, but innate; not derived from men, but implanted by nature. Innocent III, therefore, and Honorius III, our predecessors, affirmed not falsely nor rashly that a sacrament of marriage existed ever amongst the faithful and unbelievers... As, then, marriage is holy by its own power, in its own nature, and of itself, it ought not to be regulated and administered by the will of civil rulers, but by the divine authority of the Church, which alone in sacred matters professes the office of teaching. (para. #19; Emphasis mine). 

Heretics have always assailed marriage as an evil to be avoided or merely tolerated. Hence, the Encratities forbade marriage (See 1 Timothy 4:1-3); the Gnostics rejected matter and exalted spirit, holding matrimony in disrepute; Montanists forbade widows and widowers to enter second marriages; and Pricillianists, who taught matter inherently evil, outright condemned matrimony. All those teachings were condemned by the Church.  However, it must be remembered:

• Matrimony is not necessary for salvation
• No one is obliged to choose the marital vocation
• Marriage is inferior to the more excellent states of virginity and celibacy

As to the last point, the Council of Trent infallibly decreed:

CANON X.-If any one saith, that the marriage state is to be placed above the state of virginity, or of celibacy, and that it is not better and more blessed to remain in virginity, or in celibacy, than to be united in matrimony; let him be anathema.

Sacramental Theology of Holy Matrimony

1. Matter, Form, Minister, and Intention

Although never defined, it is the certain teaching of the theologians (following such greats as Bellarmine and Suarez)  that the matter and form are contained in the marriage contract. (See theologian Pohle, Dogmatic Theology, [1924], 11:165-167). The contract and Sacrament are inseparable. When the baptized couple enter into a lifelong indissoluble contract giving rights over each others' body, the words or signs of consent are the matter insofar  as they signify the mutual surrender of bodies, and its form insofar as it signifies the acceptance of same. As a logical corollary, the couple are the ministers of the Sacrament to each other, and the priest functions as the necessary witness of the Church. Traditionalist Catholics who attempt to contract marriage before a civil official or a clergyman of a false sect are not validly married since members of the One True Church are bound to get married in the canonical form prescribed by the Church. 

In addition, for a valid Sacramental marriage between Traditionalist Catholics, both validly baptized parties must have at least an implicit virtual intention to enter into a marriage contract. The female must be at least 14 years of age and the male 16 years of age. Just as the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist does not consist in the consecration alone, but continues as a Sacrament as long as the species of bread and wine remain, so too, according to this view taught by numerous theologians, Matrimony as a Sacrament does not consist in the wedding rite alone, but continues as a Sacrament as long as the marital bond remains. Pope Pius XI seems to give his authoritative approval of this view in his encyclical Casti Connubii :

 Let them constantly keep in mind, that they have been sanctified and strengthened for the duties and for the dignity of their state by a special Sacrament, the efficacious power of which, although it does not impress a character, is undying. To this purpose we may ponder over the words, full of real comfort, of holy Cardinal Robert Bellarmine, who with other well known theologians with devout conviction thus expresses himself: 'The Sacrament of Matrimony can be regarded in two ways: first, in the making, and then in its permanent state. For it is a Sacrament like to that of the Eucharist, which not only when it is being conferred, but also whilst it remains, is a Sacrament; for as long as the married parties are alive, so long is their union a Sacrament of Christ and the Church.(para. #110)

From the doctrine of the sacramental nature of every valid marriage contracted by baptized persons, it follows that two baptized non-Catholics may not only enter a true marriage, but even receive the Sacrament of Matrimony. Two unbaptized people who are free to marry are capable of contracting a true and valid marriage. Of course, such a marriage will not be sacramental, for no one is ever capable of receiving any other Sacrament unless first the character of Baptism has been imprinted on his soul. A natural, non-Sacramental marriage can only be dissolved by the Pauline Privilege (e.g., two validly married Jews wherein one converts to the True Church and the other will not leave them in peace. In such a case, the Church may dissolve the marriage).

2. Properties of Sacramental Marriage

(a) Unity. Marriage is monogamous. Polygamy and polyandry are abominations. The family unit demands one husband with one wife for the raising of children. An objection often raised is the case of the Israelites who practiced bigamy. There are two solutions proposed. One states that God gave a dispensation from the Natural Law as in the case of the Pauline Privilege. (this was favored by Aquinas). However, since the time of Trent, the majority of theologians hold that since it is perfectly possible over many years since the Fall of the First Parents that secondary precepts of the Natural Law may become obscured, it seems more likely God tolerated the practice rather than gave a dispensation. 

The Council of Trent infallibly decreed:

CANON II--If anyone says that it is lawful for Christians to have several wives at the same time and that this is not forbidden by any divine law, let him be anathema.

(b) Indissolubility. 

A Sacramental Marriage, once ratified before the Church, and consummated by the first act of sexual intercourse thereafter (i.e., ratum et consummatum), can never be ended by anything but the death of at least one spouse. Divorce is impossible. Christ tells us there was no divorce from the beginning, and He was to restore the indissolubility of Matrimony. 

In the Gospel according to St. Matthew 19:3-9, we read:

And there came to Him the Pharisees tempting him, and saying: Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? Who answering, said to them: Have ye not read, that he who made man from the beginning, Made them male and female? And He said: For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be in one flesh. Therefore now they are not two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. They say to Him: Why then did Moses command to give a bill of divorce, and to put away? He saith to them: Because Moses by reason of the hardness of your heart permitted you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so And I say to you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and he that shall marry her that is put away, committeth adultery. (Emphasis mine). 

Yet, doesn't Christ allow divorce for adultery? In a word: No. "Fornication" (or rendered "adultery" in all Protestant bibles) doesn't allow for such divorce. As theologian Pohle explains, since Christ was to elevate marriage to the way it was at the beginning, if He allowed an exception for adultery, that would mean an innocent woman would be forbidden to remarry if her husband divorced her, but if she commits adultery, they would both be free to marry again. This would be (a) an incentive to sin, and (b) making the Old Testament practice superior to the New Testament of Christ which is impossible. Correctly understood, it means you can separate bed and board for adultery and serious offences (wife beating, etc) but divorce is forbidden. 

The reason for this absolute indissolubility is that only of a properly consummated Christian marriage can it be said in the full sense of the phrase that husband and wife are "two in one flesh" and that their union is a perfect symbol of Christ's mystic union with His Church, consummated by the Incarnation. (See Pohle, Ibid, pgs. 183-200). 

3. Purposes of Marriage.

The primary purpose of Matrimony is the procreation and education of children. The secondary purpose is mutual help/love and support for the spouses. The Code of Canon Law (1917), Canon 1013 section 1 states, "The primary end of marriage is the procreation and education of children.  It’s secondary end is mutual help and the allaying of concupiscence." The primary purpose does not imply that the wife must have as many children as she is physically capable of bearing. If this were the case, it would mean that the Church was wrong (and promoted evil) by allowing the marriages of (a) those who, through no fault of their own, were infertile, and (b) elderly widows way beyond their child-bearing years. 

(For more on this issue see my post introiboadaltaredei2.blogspot.com/2019/10/multiplication-problems.html). 

4. Graces of the Sacrament.

According to theologian Schleck, Matrimony (1) increases sanctifying grace, and (2) gives a right to receive actual graces, which God bestows, to aid a spouse whenever needed for fulfillment of the duties inherent in the vocation of Matrimony. (See Schleck, pgs. 197-198). 

Discerning a Vocation to the Marital State

Pope Pius XI warned about things you must avoid when considering marriage:

To the proximate preparation of a good married life belongs very specially the care in choosing a partner; on that depends a great deal whether the forthcoming marriage will be happy or not, since one may be to the other either a great help in leading a Christian life, or, a great danger and hindrance. And so that they may not deplore for the rest of their lives the sorrows arising from an indiscreet marriage, those about to enter into wedlock should carefully deliberate in choosing the person with whom henceforward they must live continually: they should, in so deliberating, keep before their minds the thought first of God and of the true religion of Christ, then of themselves, of their partner, of the children to come, as also of human and civil society, for which wedlock is a fountain head. Let them diligently pray for divine help, so that they make their choice in accordance with Christian prudence, not indeed led by the blind and unrestrained impulse of lust, nor by any desire of riches or other base influence, but by a true and noble love and by a sincere affection for the future partner; and then let them strive in their married life for those ends for which the State was constituted by God.(See Casti Connubii, para. #115; Emphasis mine). 

As always, pray to God for His guidance in discerning the vocation He has chosen for you. Marriage is unique insofar as you will either be in a good marriage and be very happy, or you will end up in a bad marriage and be very miserable. There really is no in-between. The reason is clear. In marriage, you need to work with your partner and God's grace to make it successful, and there is no guarantee the other person will be willing to work with you. In the priesthood and the religious life (especially in a time of sedevacante) you can always work things out with your order/bishop or continue on your own if needed. As a single person, you need not work with anyone but your boss at work and God. Marriage takes two--always. 

Here are some wrong reasons to want to get married:

• desiring to have sex and keep a good reputation
• wanting to be like your friends who are married
• pressure from parents and relatives
• not to be looked upon as "odd" after a certain age
• using it as a "fall back" position if denied entrance into a convent or seminary
• because you are lonely

The only really good reason to get married is because you feel God has called you to be a good wife/mother or husband/father, for the good of the Church and to help you achieve salvation by so doing.

Choosing a Spouse

If you decide the marital vocation is for you, the choice of a spouse is of paramount importance.  You must have a union on three levels, physical, mental, and spiritual. 

• Physically: There must be attraction, but don't mistake infatuation or lust for love. Anyone who has a reputation for sleeping around, or who has cheated on a former boyfriend/girlfriend should never be considered. Do they take reasonable good care of their body? You might want to think twice about considering as a spouse someone who drinks to excess or smokes. A drug addict should be shown the door to leave. Differences in ethnic/racial background and/or age can be problematic--be wary of a large age difference (usually more than ten years). Are you being pressured for sex? Were/Are they into any sexual perversions or approve of sodomites and/or transgenders?

• Mentally: Do you have comparable intelligence and education? If not, you will have a hard time finding mutual interests. It's not necessarily a "deal breaker," but rarely will a highly educated professional have enough in common with a person who has little education and a blue collar job. Do you have similar artistic tastes, and like the same activities? Do you have the same view towards work and money? You can't expect to marry your "opposite sex double" who thinks exactly like you, but having common interests, goals, and outlooks is very important.

• Spiritually: This is most important of the three. Is the person a Traditionalist? Since finding a member of the One True Church is not as easy as before the Great Apostasy, most Traditionalist clergy will more readily allow mixed marriages as long as the promises are signed as per Canon Law (they must swear not to interfere with your religious practice, and agree that all children will be raised in the True Church exclusively). Are they willing to convert? Open to going to Mass with you? Are you morally certain the promises will be kept? Do they understand sedevacantism, especially if a member of the Vatican II sect? Do they ever dabble in the occult? Will they pressure you in going to their sect in the name of "fairness"? Is the person considered virtuous by you and most others?

 Other significant things to consider:

• Ask your parents and close friends what they think. They can often be more objective than you in assessing someone you are considering marrying
• Do they have a steady job and show maturity and responsibility?
• Beware of anyone who keeps secrets or gets caught in a lie
• Abusive behavior towards you in any form (mental, emotional, or physical) should be someone from whom you walk away and never look back
• Do they have children out of wedlock?
• Were they married invalidly (by a civil judge, etc)? Why did the marriage fail?

Dangers to Anticipate that Assail Marriages of Today

According to the American Psychological Association (APA) about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce (See apa.org/topics/divorce-child-custody). Here are some major reasons:

1. The home becomes a "service station."

Just as a car pulls into a service station for gas and you also check tire pressure before taking off, many families treat their homes in similar fashion. Children come home, eat dinner before (or after) play dates and activities. The husband/father comes home to fix the house, while the working mother (not always working out of necessity) doesn't want to deal with the kids. In God's plan, your home is not an extension of the YMCA where you can eat, shower, and sleep. You need time together to really get to know each other, talk together, pray together, and help each other.

2. Artificial entertainment.

 Lack of communication is a killer for a marriage and a happy family life. Restrict time and access on iPhone, iPad, TV, listening to music, etc. Know everything your children access and limit their time, in order that they may have live interaction in  the world. Husbands and wives must communicate and form common interests or they will "grow apart" --to use the common parlance expression. This will lead to an unhappy married life.

3. Adultery.

Married men and women are exposed to filth in all areas of secular life and it makes it seem that adultery is "no big deal." This is a very dangerous mindset.  Married men have no business keeping company with women other than their wives, and married women have no business keeping company with men other than their husbands. It is fine to be together with other married couples where all spouses are present. Office parties, celebrations at a friend or neighbor's house, etc., should only be attended with your spouse or not at all. According to the University of Colorado, about 21 percent of men and 13 percent of women reported infidelity at some point in their lifetime. Just over half (53.5 percent) of those reporting extramarital sex said they were unfaithful with someone they knew well, such as a close friend. About a third of affairs are with someone who’s somewhat well-known, such as a neighbor, co-worker or long-term acquaintance (about 29.4 percent). (See colorado.edu/asmagazine/2018/04/04/extramarital-sex-partners-likely-be-close-friends-and-men-are-more-apt-cheat). Adultery is one of the most wicked sins as it betrays someone you profess to love and violates a sacred vow made before God and His Church. Personally, I have never been able to remain friends with someone who was an adulterer, nor would I become friends with someone whom I knew had cheated on their wife. I think to myself, "If he could betray his very spouse and turn his back on God by breaking sacred vows, what would/could he do to betray me?"

Marital Joys and Sorrows

As with the other vocations, marriage brings joys, and also crosses to bear. Here is a partial listing of both.

Joys of Marriage. Positive aspects of this vocation:

• You have a life-long partner to come home to and share everything. They can help you achieve eternal salvation by their prayers, sacrifices, and good example

• You have support in difficult times

• You bring new life into the world and help them to become future citizens of Heaven by raising them to know, love, and serve God in His One True Church

• Children can support you in your old age if you get sickly, instead of going into a nursing home

• You may have positive relationships with your spouse's family members

• You will rarely, if ever, be lonely

Sorrows of Marriage. Negative aspects of this vocation:

• If your spouse leaves you, or if you are forced by abuse to separate bed and board, you can never remarry as long as your spouse lives, but must remain celibate. A civil divorce in such a case would cause irreparable damage to any children--as all divorce is harmful, especially to children

• Raising children, especially in today's anti-Christian, neo-pagan environment is very difficult. It is hard to keep them on the straight path to Heaven, and God will hold you responsible for their upbringing. Many times both spouses need to work, making raising good Traditionalist children even harder.

• If there is no Traditionalist school, and homeschooling is not an option, children must go to pagan public schools (schools of false sects are even worse, and you cannot send them to receive false doctrines)

• Your life is not your own. Your children come first, your spouse second, and you are last. This means little individual freedom to pursue hobbies, interests, spend time with friends, etc. Often family considerations will prevent vacations, the ability to change jobs, or pursue advanced education

• You may not get along with your spouse's family

• You most likely will have to work more and retire later

• You need to be able to work with your spouse. If he/she is unwilling, constant fighting will inevitably occur

Conclusion

Whether of not to get married is one of the most important decisions a Traditionalist must make. Trying to find the right person to marry is just as important, and in many ways more difficult in these evil times. In his book, Marriage: Human or Divine?, (1940), theologian O'Connell had the following to say about Holy Matrimony, which all married couples, and those considering marriage, should contemplate:

The truth that Christian marriage is a sacrament should be deeply impressed on the minds of all Catholics intending to get married or already joined in marriage. The former should be impressed with the thought that they are about to receive one of the seven efficacious means of grace established by our divine Redeemer to bestow abundant supernatural helps on the children of men for the needs of life's journey. The latter should realize that they are bound to each other in a union that bears a close resemblance to the union between Christ and His Church. The chief characteristics of this latter union are generosity and love. Christ generously gave His very life for the Church because of His unbounded love for every human soul; and the Church is constantly laboring devotedly for the glory of Christ and expressing its love for Him, dwelling in her midst in the sacrament of the altar. Surely, then, Catholic married couples should deeply appreciate the honor their marriage enjoys in representing the union between the heavenly Bridegroom, Jesus Christ, and His earthly spouse, the Church, and should endeavor to live up to this honor by ever manifesting toward each other an unselfish devotion and an ardent love. (pg. 17).